Mom: You should visit with friends.

Daughter; all my friends are in church.

Mom: good for them. Honey, but what are you doing to do with all those pale faces?

You are going to be a wall-flower. Like Ms Stuart from the second-street. Never was married. Never had any fun in life. No children. No relatives. She had menopause at 40 years old.

Daughter: mom. Mom. Stop. It’s a bout God in the church. And there are some nice guys there.

Mom: who? Those violin players? Please. The fun die there.

Daughter: I have choir rehearsal. Bye mom.

I see go in everything. Every flower is God. Every good thought is God. We are godlike, until we are not. The truth is that we are God. And we are the fallen angel as well.

Today is really hard. Satan always looks for the weakest spots. I love my dear fiance but there is no way I can be in Christian state of mind while I am with him. Desire to be with him comes not from God in my life. I want to be with him and I cannot. We are two different planets.

God let me not fall into despair today. Let not Devil manipulate my feelings. I know everything will work out in the end but devil tried play my mind and my body started being dysfunctional too. God please let me get through this day and this week. In your name I ask. Amen

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You are a child of God. He loves you. Nothing bad will happen to you. He loves you, he protect you. He will take care of you. God has a plan for you. Open the doors of your life. Let God come in.

Do not let him be there alone. Let Him in.

Lets pray.

God, Father. Please, bless me and bless my friends. I lost a bit in this life. And who did not? We are all lost. We are crooked, we are broken like dead flowers but we are still beautiful. God, you invigorate us, you give us strength to be stronger and to be powerful. We are weak by ourselves, oh yes, God, we are weak, but with you, we are very strong. With you we are the most powerful creatures on this Earth. Please, God help us to find strength in you. Strength and courage. God, give us sanity and clear mind when it comes to right choices in life but let s just accept you and our faith with our heart, not with our mind. God, let us love you with our heart and soul. God, let us follow you and be with you, let us not perish in sin. We are asking for you blessing, God, son and holy spirit! Amen!

Today I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, didn’t feel like praying either. I work from home so I started working from bed. God sends trials and once a little trial comes, I want to give up. I cannot. I am not allowed to. I am getting tired of some modern psychologists and life teachers. They confess that they nothing themselves. There are so many books which aimed for the destruction of the soul: How to become a b..ch, How to be selfish, how to, how too. Satan speaks in every corner.

God is like a chiropractor of the soul. I feel good after visiting him I feel cared for and relaxed. God loves you he is a good doctor. He can heal you. The whole summer my back had been hurting terribly. And I started learning about energies and shamanic healing but nothing helped unless I had gotten to the back doctor. The same here, if your soul hurts go to a professional

After work and shopping I fell asleep. I saw my mom in the dream. In my Belarusian apartment I had been trying to help her with the DVD player. And I almost succeeded. I was surprised, my mom started understanding so many things in equipment. I think that means something. I think the life goes on after death. I know this.

Once I was practicing shamanism. When I felt that God did not hear me. Shamanism works. That’s what I rote in my diary. “In shamanism, it is very important to be connected to your ancestors and your ancient family. It is very very important, I emphasize. Let me make an analogy with the tooth. We need our roots in order to keep teeth. The same here. WE cannot forget our roots. Some people do not talk to their ancestors. Unfortunately, ancestors won’t help you if you do not ask them to. And by ancestors I mean here spirits of the dead. Your genus, your generation, your ancestors? How far can you trace them?“

Yes, shamanism works but it wants your soul in return. How far are you willing to go? The final destination is hell.